I wish that I could be as open about things as other people. I try. I sincerely do. I have close friends that will listen if I tell them that I need to talk and they will do so without judgement.
Or at least I thought I did.
“I don’t believe in the smile that you leave
when you walk away and say goodbye…”
Recent events have caused me to become more closed mouthed than I usual am, and this in turn has caused me to retreat more into my island of safety within. Though, isn’t that what we all tend to do, at some point, when we are faced with a situation that’s too much for us to comprehend? We back off so we can get a clear head and try to understand the situation before we address it.
Sometimes we can’t understand things on our own and we need help. We need someone to help us untangle the confusion in our minds so we can think clearly. Then again, sometimes, we don’t want to address an issue because we know that if we do our fears will become reality.
“I don’t expect the world to move underneath me,
but for gods sake, could you try?”
I’m not talking about made-up fears, but the fear that comes with acceptance. I don’t want to accept these viewpoints of my friends. I don’t want to accept the fact that they have reduced my thoughts and feelings to a side notation of ‘things that don’t matter’. I don’t want to accept the fact that maybe they were never really my friends at all.
I’m a big proponent of learning about different people: their cultures, way of life, and what makes them tick. It’s how we grow. But is a person really your friend if they discredit the things you say? Are they your friend if they refuse to even consider your point of view? Are they really your friend if the only reason they are your friend is because of the benefit that comes with it?
“Where is your heart, ‘cause I don’t really feel you.
Where is your heart? All I really want is to believe you…”
Lyrics from “Where is your heart” by Kelly Clarkson
Pose is from Amitie Spring Poppies Field (field included in Fatpack)